you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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