I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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