he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
then he tried to convert me to islam
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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