so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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