im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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