It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
