He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
