Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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