absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize