She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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