how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
