I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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