Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
