I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
