the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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