Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My life is pants optional.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
