Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They took my balls.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
