$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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