If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
