She's JV to your varsity
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
