I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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