Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
