i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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