I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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