I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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