I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
