Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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