i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
two words: eviction party
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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