i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
