I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I looked at my own cervix.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
