he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
