The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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