apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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