she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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