Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
