The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
