My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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