Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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