please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
