bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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