last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize