and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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