he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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