Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
