There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
