you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
