Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
