she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
