i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize