When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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