just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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