the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
