I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can you bring me the toilet please
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
