Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
