Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
