I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
