you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
