I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
