She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
