we need to drink 2009 down the drain
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
