I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
