I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize