So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
