ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize