I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
