I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
