What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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