it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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