$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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