I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
