Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize