the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
only if we run a train.
done.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
