Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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