At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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