goodnight i made you a song goodbye
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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