i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
