he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
