call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I fill condoms, not promises.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
