there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We had sex on a dog bed..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
