Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
