Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
