Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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