I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i dont even know how to be here
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
