Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
