first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
