I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
