Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
