Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
