You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
