It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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